Making Sense of the Senseless

Losing someone you love is always very hard. When the death is sudden and violent, it can be even more painful.

Hurt, anger and sadness are just some of the emotions caused by a senseless and violent death. To lose a loved one in an impaired driving crash brings hopes and dreams to a sudden end. There is no chance to say 'Good-bye', no time to say 'Thank you' or 'I'm sorry'. There are many loose ends that will never be tied up. Someone who has lost a child or a partner often feels guilty that the loved one wasn't protected.

Central to the trauma felt by families and friends after a crash is their knowing that the death could have been prevented.

Anger can be a big part of the grieving process too. Many people report feelings of intense anger, even rage, at the person who chose to drive while impaired. There is also anger towards "the system" and even at other family members. Because people react differently to sudden loss, some may feel anger at how other family members appear to be coping. Many also feel angry with the person who died for leaving them. In many ways, anger covers up the crushing sadness that is very hard to live with.

Worry and fear are also common. Families learn that bad things can happen to good people. When tragedy occurs, people may feel powerless and afraid.

Dealing with the loss of a loved one to impaired driving brings people through many feelings and experiences. People often feel they will never be happy again. While it is true that life will never be the same, families do survive. Many manage to gain strength and find happiness again, even though they always feel deep sorrow for the loved one's absence, lost potential and unfulfilled dreams.

Mothers Against Drunk Driving
(MADD Canada)